I think that I am suffering from depression and after reading about this illness I realise that I must see a doctor, but I am afraid to.
I feel down all of the time and have no motivation to do anything, including work, exercise, hobbies, even a bath at night.
I just want to read my book, watch television or go to bed.
I feel tired all of the time and people are now always saying how tired I look.
I left work today because I couldn't go through the day.
I managed to talk to a friend yesterday (Andre), he understands and thinks I should see someone. I can’t tell my boyfriend (Chris Twomey), I don't know how to.
If I go to the doctor, I'm sure they will just send me away. I don't think they'll believe anything is wrong!
I've also got a tendancy to say what I think people want to hear.
I had hypnotherapy and counselling and afterwards said I felt okay. But I don't feel okay.
I hate myself, I've put on weight and look fat and ugly, I can't stand that look of hatred in my own eyes when I look in the mirror, and (although I know I be too chicken to do it) I think that maybe the best option is death.
Maybe then people won't have to put up with me any more, always moaning and never doing anything about it. I’m so self-pitying.
I'm sorry to be doing this, but it's a release to just type out the words. To be honest, it's amazing seeing what I have written.