Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 48726 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline ivanduk

  • Posts: 1,144
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #150 on: July 28, 2011, 09:39:33 am »
-How to get over your fear of the dark?

-As soon as you turn the lights off, start masturbating. No monster wants to see that shit. While doing it, stare at the corner and whisper, tenderly: "this is for you"

Casper is traumatized



[SFX]Dr.Hulka [4]: talking about gay give it to id 17
piggernenis [17]: haha
piggernenis [17]: hulka put me on ignore because he thinks im gay
[SFX]Dr.Hulka [4]: id 17 have aids

Offline MadMax

  • Lazyass, still hanging around AX from time to time
  • Admin
  • Posts: 4,359
  • I'm the road warrior...
    • View Profile
  • In-game name: MadMax[MAF]
Re: Jokes
« Reply #151 on: August 06, 2011, 11:54:04 pm »
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady idignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

PLEASE, IGNORE ALL MY SPELLING MISTAKES AND OTHER TYPOS True racing fans enjoy horsepower in ANY form

Offline b00tsyou

  • Admin
  • Posts: 1,044
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #152 on: August 17, 2011, 05:08:46 am »
A joke i heard in french. let's try to translate it XD.

One day, a man buy a lie detector which slaps you everytime u say a lie.

He bring it home and turn it on during the diner with his son and wife to test it.

Father : where were u this afternoon son  ?

Son : in school !

The lie detector slap him immediatly.

Son : Ok i was watching Toy Story at my friend's place.

Then he recieve another slap.

Son : Ok, it was porn.

Father (shocked) : WTF !!??u should be ashamed  i did'n't even knew what porn was at ur age !

The lie detector slap him !

Mother : lol lier ! It's really ur son !

She's slapped too !

Offline [FSR]Ush

  • Admin
  • Posts: 13,449
  • Aart
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #153 on: August 17, 2011, 12:13:33 pm »
loool @ max and boots :L

Offline [MAF]Cthulhu

  • Admin
  • Posts: 6,331
  • Trance, Progressive, Techno <3
    • View Profile
  • In-game name: [MAF]Phobos
Re: Jokes
« Reply #154 on: August 17, 2011, 04:42:29 pm »
haha :L

Offline [MAF]mourad

  • Admin
  • Posts: 1,588
  • Life is a joke, laugh at it.
    • View Profile
  • In-game name: [MAF]mourad
Re: Jokes
« Reply #155 on: August 17, 2011, 04:44:22 pm »
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady idignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
haha this one owns

Offline [2F2F]SNiKeRiS

  • Admin
  • Posts: 3,892
    • View Profile
    • 2F2F website
Re: Jokes
« Reply #156 on: August 25, 2011, 06:30:00 pm »
The next time you think you're having a really bad day, imagine this: You're a siamese twin. Your brother, attached at your shoulder is gay. You're not. He has a date coming over tonight. You only have one ass....

Offline [LSR]Ride

Re: Jokes
« Reply #157 on: August 25, 2011, 09:28:08 pm »
hahahha lol snik  :L

Offline [MAF]Cromiell

Re: Jokes
« Reply #158 on: August 30, 2011, 07:34:58 pm »
An Arab at airport:
- Name?
- Abdul AlRazhib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no, I mean male or female.
- Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, dog, even sheep.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no, deer run to fast!...

Offline [MAF]mourad

  • Admin
  • Posts: 1,588
  • Life is a joke, laugh at it.
    • View Profile
  • In-game name: [MAF]mourad
Re: Jokes
« Reply #159 on: August 30, 2011, 08:10:39 pm »
ROFL  :L :L :L

Offline [LSR]Jarol

Re: Jokes
« Reply #160 on: August 30, 2011, 08:55:29 pm »
Lmao nice one :L :L

Offline [MAF]Aj_Lajk_Bir

  • Admin
  • Posts: 5,031
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #161 on: August 30, 2011, 09:42:21 pm »
that's epic  8)

Offline MadMax

  • Lazyass, still hanging around AX from time to time
  • Admin
  • Posts: 4,359
  • I'm the road warrior...
    • View Profile
  • In-game name: MadMax[MAF]
Re: Jokes
« Reply #162 on: September 01, 2011, 10:51:42 pm »
Two buckets of vomit are walking down the street, when one stops and starts crying.
"What's up with you?" asks his friend. He replies
"I was brought up around here"



A nun, three midgets, a horse and Mike Tyson walk into a bar. The barman asks
"Is this some knd of joke?"



Three brothers with unusual names are out hiking. One is called 'Bite Me', another is called 'Manners' and the third is christened 'Dog Turds'. While walking along a mountain path, Dog Turds slips and falls, injuring himself when landing 50 feet below. His brothers quickly decide that Manners should stay with him while Bite Me heads for civilization to get help. On arrivinig
in the next town he rushes to the police station.
"Quickly, please, my brother's had a terrible accident and needs help" The kindly officer tries to
reassure him.
"OK son, now calm down. We'll get some help for him. First, tell me your name"
"Bite Me" replies the boy. The officer looks concerned.
"Now son, I know you're upset, but I need you to tell me your name, OK?"
"Bite Me!" shouts the exasperated boy. The officer now looks angrily at him
"Now listen Mister, accident or none there's no need for that. Where's your manners?"
"Halfway down a cliff, picking up Dog Turds!"



There's two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says
"How do you drive these things anyway?"



Two cannibals are eating a clown. One asks the other
"Does this taste funny to you?"



A guy walks into a bar.
"Ouch!" It was an iron bar.

PLEASE, IGNORE ALL MY SPELLING MISTAKES AND OTHER TYPOS True racing fans enjoy horsepower in ANY form

Offline [MAF]Rac3r

  • Leader
  • Posts: 2,807
  • Well, this is embarrassing.
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #163 on: February 28, 2012, 01:26:03 pm »
Chuck Norris can tell a black joke without looking over his shoulder.

Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris landed an uppercut on a horse.

Apparently, Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, but the Grim reaper hasn't got the balls to tell him!

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

Some say Chuck Norris once had an iPhone, he stretched it with his bare hands.  He then called it the iPad.

Chuck Norris once had sex in the back of his semi-truck with a prostitute.  A single drop of semen got onto the seat and became infused with the truck.  The truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris invented black.  In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light.  Except pink, Tom cruise invented that.

Just got these on my phone, worthy of a share to the community. ;)

Offline [MAF]Snoopy

  • Posts: 14,540
    • View Profile
Re: Jokes
« Reply #164 on: February 28, 2012, 01:39:58 pm »
good. need some humour around this place :)