Author Topic: Do you know some funny/sarcastic anti-quotes?  (Read 4782 times)

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Offline nero

Do you know some funny/sarcastic anti-quotes?
« on: February 11, 2016, 03:30:47 pm »
Hello folks,

I recently started doing some bookbinding as a hobby and now want to start a small project. The project consists of unusual quotes being illustrated (nice fonts, cool backgrounds, merged together, etc.) and then printed and binded into a hardcover book. Since I dislike all those hipster-inspirational-deep-shit quotes (see examples), I want to take a different approach and use unusual quotes from films, games or interesting people, it might not be that serious of a content. I have already collected some, but I need at least 12-20 to actually have enough content for a book. Quotes should have an author (game character, film character, real person etc., not "unknown" or "old chinese saying") and have "one line" (game quotes tend to need situation explanation or are more a conversation, which makes it harder to illustrate).

You can find the ones I already plan to use inside the spoiler:

[spoiler]

Zitate

Quote
"A-Poc-Key-Lips. I think I found my new favorite word!"
Deadpool


Quote
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde


Quote
Alright, I’ve been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man whose gonna burn your house down – with the lemons!
Cave Johnson, Portal 2 (Game)


Quote
I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth; banks are going bust; shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter; punks are running wild in the street, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it.
We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. And we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be!

We all know things are bad -- worse than bad -- they're crazy.

It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone."

Well, I'm not going to leave you alone.

I want you to get mad!

I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your Congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street.

All I know is that first, you've got to get mad.

You've gotta say, "I'm a human being, goddammit! My life has value!"

So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell,

"I'm as mad as hell,
and I'm not going to take this anymore!!"

Howard Beale, Network (Film)



Quote
GET TO DA CHOPPA
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Predator (Film)


Quote
I have often been told to be bold, and take the bull by the horns, but, as I rather think that the amusement is more pleasant than profitable, I shall leave it to those who are so cracked already that an ugly poke with a horn would not damage their skulls.
Charles H. Spurgeon


Quote
„…“
Gordon Freeman

[/spoiler]


This is where you might help. If you know any cool quotes which might fit my criteria, feel free to post them. I would be happy for any help!


Offline Queen|iPink

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Re: Do you know some funny/sarcastic anti-quotes?
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2016, 04:09:14 pm »
"If you talk to God you are religious, If God talks to you, you are phychotic."
House M.D.

Offline EleGy

Re: Do you know some funny/sarcastic anti-quotes?
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2016, 04:25:35 pm »
We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us - Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

“Men must be free to do what they believe. It is not our right to punish one for thinking what they do, no matter how much we disagree” -  Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad, Assassin's Creed

and ofcourse

 I'll have a number nine, a number nine large, a number six with extra sauce, a number seven, two number forty-fives, one wit' cheese, and a large soda - Big Smoke, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

Offline Troublemaker

Re: Do you know some funny/sarcastic anti-quotes?
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2016, 04:51:44 pm »
Max Payne quotes - CLICK

"As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster." Henry Hill (Ray Liotta - Goodfellas)

"You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?" - Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci - Goodfellas)

"Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is a man who stood up." - Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro - Taxi Driver)

"Get busy living, or get busy dying." - Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins - The Shawshank Redemption)

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home and have a heart attack." - Vincent Vega (John Travolta - Pulp Fiction)

"These men died for their country. Send flowers to their bitches and hoes." - President Harris (Leslie Nielsen - Scary Movie 3)

"Remember it, write it down, take a picture, I don't give a fuck." - Smokey (Chris Tucker - Friday

Offline [MAF]Cthulhu

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Re: Do you know some funny/sarcastic anti-quotes?
« Reply #4 on: February 11, 2016, 05:24:45 pm »
"Secrets are like herpes. If you got ‘em, might as well spread ‘em around!"
-Harkin from Mass Effect 1

"I’m the boss, CEO, queen if you’re feeling dramatic. It doesn’t matter. Omega has no titled ruler and only one rule. Don’t fuck with Aria."
-Aria T'Loak from Mass Effect 2

"Life is a negotiation. We all want. We all give to get what we want."
-Mordin Solus from Mass effect 2

"Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask the ghosts if honor matters. Their silence is your answer."
-Javik from Mass Effect 3

“Twinkle, twinkle, little bat. Watch me kill your favorite cat.”
-Joker from Batman: Arkham City

"My favorite type of magic — Lesbomancy."
-Skalen Burdon from The Witcher 2

"Want to hear a Limerick? Lambert, Lambert you're a prick"
-Geralt from The Witcher 3

"Nothing is more BADASS than treating a woman with respect."
-Mr. Torgue from Borderlands 2

"I know what I have become... I am the inside of this world... I taste the gore, and I smell the crying... AND I WANT MORE! I want to bathe in your flesh, I want to savor your fear. I wanna live inside a castle built of your agony, AND I WANT TO CRUMBLE IT WITH AN AXE TO YOUR CAROTID ARTERY!"
-Krieg the psycho from Borderlands 2

"Keep your chin up, SO I CAN SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!! Oh, there's no time to cry... We have to squeeze the whimpers out of you like a smothered baby in the night... You won't make a noise now, will you, WILL YOU!! Stay quiet, OR YOU'RE DEAD! NOW AND FOREVER!!"
-Krieg the Psycho from Borderlands 2

"Look at me when I scream at your soul! You loud sacks of filth and sour cream can hit me with your pain pinatas all day, but you'll never take the jellied fantasies of my wasted youth! My stomach is clear and my mind is full of bacon!"
-Krieg the Psycho from Borderlands 2

"How can I snap your neck if you don't have one?!"
-Krieg the Psycho from Borderlands 2

"Why aren't my fingers in someone's eye sockets right now... Why aren't my fingers in someone's eye sockets right now... Why aren't my fingers in someone's eye sockets right now... Why aren't my fingers in someone's eye sockets right now... Why aren't my fingers in someone's eye sockets right now... Why aren't my fingers in someone's eye sockets right now..."
-Krieg the Psycho from Borderlands 2

"NIPPLE SALADS! Nipple salads... NIPPLE SALADS!"
-Krieg the Psycho from Borderlands 2

"I'LL CRACK YOUR MIND AND BEAT YOUR PROBLEMS TO DEATH! "
-Krieg the Psycho from Borderlands 2

"BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOOOD, BLOOOOOOD, BLOOOOOOOOD!"
-Krieg the Psycho from Borderlands 2

Offline MadMax

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Re: Do you know some funny/sarcastic anti-quotes?
« Reply #5 on: February 11, 2016, 06:59:28 pm »
so mostly sarcastic quotes? gonna be hard, some are funny but hard to find really sarcastic ones, but here we go


"Sure. Fine. Whatever."
Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson), X-Files, s03e13
INFO~when preparing to autopsy, also spoken multiple times during whole episode without any emotion and with obviously sarcastic tone


"Do I look like I give a damn?"
James Bond (Daniel Craig), Casino Royale (2006)
INFO~after being asked if he would like his martini shaken or stirred, reffering to famous theme when Bond ALWAYS used to say "martini, shaken, not stirred"

"I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."
Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
INFO~when talking about guresome details of murder he commit

"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."
Dorothy (Judy Garland), The Wizard of Oz (1939)
INFO~after entering unnatural, dream-like world
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T23jqjlbylg

"Anybody else wanna negotiate?"
Korben Dallas (Bruce Willis),  The 5th Element (1997)
INFO~after killing terrorists leader who wanted to speak with negotiator
from 0:53 to end: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oKwg6W05MU   

"You'r gonna need a bigger boat"
Martin Brody (Roy Scheider), Jaws (1975)
INFO~when hunting shark, and turns out shark is bigger than expected
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67p4hS6vyD8

when I recall more, gonna post too
« Last Edit: February 11, 2016, 07:06:41 pm by MadMax »

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Offline malipop

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Re: Do you know some funny/sarcastic anti-quotes?
« Reply #6 on: February 11, 2016, 07:28:28 pm »
"Florals for spring? groundbreaking" - the devil wears prada
"You look 100% better when i can't see you" - Lolita
"Kill white people and get paid for it? what's not to like" - Django unchained
"Silly Caucasian girl likes to play with samurai swords" - Kill Bill Vol.1

Offline nero

Re: Do you know some funny/sarcastic anti-quotes?
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2016, 08:11:59 am »
Thanks for all your posts!

I have selected a few which I really liked:

Quote
"If you talk to God you are religious, If God talks to you, you are phychotic."
House M.D.

Quote
"You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?" - Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci - Goodfellas)

Quote
"You're gonna need a bigger boat"
Martin Brody (Roy Scheider), Jaws (1975)

So, right now I got 11 quotes, maybe five more or so, and I'm ready to go!

Offline Terrorfist

Re: Do you know some funny/sarcastic anti-quotes?
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2016, 09:45:26 am »
"War is where the young and stupid are tricked by the old and bitter into killing each other" -Niko Bellic (Idk if this is from GTA IV but confirm it anyone thanks)
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