Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 48675 times)

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Offline [MAF]Epoxi

Re: Jokes
« Reply #90 on: April 24, 2010, 10:06:37 pm »
falky's damn baby 'jokes' always make me retch.

It would be alright if they were funny, because then I at least wouldn't form the mental image.

Quote
I was having dinner with MC Hammer and Chico last night when I asked if anyone had the time.

It was absolute carnage.


Quote
'Page 3 Girl In Skin Cancer Scare'.


That's the downside to exposing yourself to the sun on a regular basis.

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Nothing says 'almost caught masturbating' like having your mum walking in on you looking at the Google homepage.

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A girl just walked past me who was so pretty I forgot to look at her tits.

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I was flicking through my freeview to see what was on the tv this evening and was appalled when I saw the program "Jade : A Year Without Her."
I couldn't believe how badly they had spelt Hair.

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My mates have always mocked me about the size of my penis.

Although I've never heard the wife moan.

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What did the confused Magnesium Oxide say?

OMg

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I don't know what the Polish are all crying about. They can easily get a new cabinet in IKEA
« Last Edit: April 24, 2010, 10:11:04 pm by Epoxi »

Offline [MAF]falky

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #91 on: April 25, 2010, 05:53:53 am »
:L :L

Offline [MAF]Rac3r

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #92 on: April 25, 2010, 08:27:10 am »
Liked The Sun breast cancer one lol

Good one's

Offline ivanduk

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #93 on: April 26, 2010, 03:22:22 pm »
10. Yo Momma so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please.

9. Yo Momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th.

8. Yo Momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.

7. Yo Momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

6. Yo Momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.

5. Yo Momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.

4. Yo Momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

3. Yo Momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell.

2. Yo Momma so fat she's on both sides of the family.

1. Yo Momma so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out оf George Washington's nose.



[SFX]Dr.Hulka [4]: talking about gay give it to id 17
piggernenis [17]: haha
piggernenis [17]: hulka put me on ignore because he thinks im gay
[SFX]Dr.Hulka [4]: id 17 have aids

Offline [MAF]Cthulhu

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #94 on: April 26, 2010, 03:29:36 pm »
6. Yo Momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
3. Yo Momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell.
:L

Offline [MAF]falky

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #95 on: April 27, 2010, 05:12:37 am »
lmfao

Offline [MAF]Cthulhu

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #96 on: May 03, 2010, 03:14:09 pm »
Dear John,

I hope you will be able to help me. One day I let my husband watch TV and I went to work. When I was 3 miles far from my home, my car suddenly stopped. I had to come back for my husband and ask him for help. When I arrived I couldn't believe what I saw. He was in bed with our neighbour's daughter. I am 32 years old, my husband is 34 and she's 19.
We have lived together for 10 years. My husband confessed to me that they love each other for more than 6 months. He doesn't want go to a marriage counselling service with me. I'm totally down. Please, help me!

Marry

Dear Marry,

The fact that your car broke down after such a short journey can be caused by many causes.
First check if there is a clogged fuel supply. If not, check all connections leading to the engine. Also check the cables including grounding. If there is no problem, you need to check the fuel pump if it isn't damaged and gives the correct amount of fuel.
I hope I helped you.

John

---------------------------------------------------------

A patrolman stops a car that went over 150 kph in a city and says: "Good morning, show me your driving license please." "I don't have it, your colleagues took it from me a while ago when I was caught drunk." "So show me your certificate of roadworthiness." "What? I don't have it either. I was so drunk that I even didn't know where I stole this car.." "This car has been stolen?!!"
"Yes, but wait a sec, I'll look into the case, I think I've seen something in there when I was hiding my pistol." "What pistol??" "The pistol that I used to kill the fucking owner of this car when he didn't want to go out. If you want to see his corpse, it's back in the boot..."
The patrolman immediately calls the storm troops. They come in no time, jump out, encircle the car, the boss comes to the driver and says: "Your driving license!"
"Here it is."
"The certificate of roadworthiness!"
"Here.."
"May I have a look into the case?"
"Sure." (No pistol of course)
"Can you please open the trunk?"
No corpse of course.
"Now I'm quite confused. The collegaue told me you are driving drunk, without papers, in a stolen car, with a pistol and with a corpse inside the boot..."
"That's great, and I bet that now you will accuse me of fast driving..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Carl comes to his friend George, who can't walk and has a wheelchair. They sit in the living room and talking. In the evening it's getting cold and George asks Carl for mufflers that are upstairs. He gladly agrees and goes into the room. He finds there two George's daughters, 17 and 19 years old. They are wearing only panties. Carl is delightedly eying them and answers their question what he is doing there: "Your dad told me that I can have a sex with both of you." The scared girls just look at each other and say: "That's not possible, our daddy wouldn't ever say such a thing!" "So you don't believe me?", he asks and opens the door: "George, both of them?" They can hear him from downstairs saying: "Yes, yes, Carl, both of them!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A husband sits over 2 hours in a corridor in front of a surgery. After a very long time the door opens and a tired, sad surgeon goes to him.. Slowly he sits next to the heart-broken husband and quietly tells him. "We did what we could but your wife has fell into a coma..." Husband just stiffs on his chair and asks: "So what am I going to do now??"
Doctor says: "You will have to take care of her every day... turn her over so she doesn't have bed sore, feed her with a tube, change her napkins when she urinate and wash her when she poo herself... You will have to say nice words to her because it's possible that she still percieves and she can wake up in 20 years, smile on you and then fall into a coma again...."
Husband's face has turned white.. The doctor just claps on his back and says: "Don't worry, I'm just kidding... of course she's died!"

Offline ﱡ קּﻰﺢ Love

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #97 on: May 04, 2010, 12:22:26 am »
Carl comes to his friend George, who can't walk and has a wheelchair. They sit in the living room and talking. In the evening it's getting cold and George asks Carl for mufflers that are upstairs. He gladly agrees and goes into the room. He finds there two George's daughters, 17 and 19 years old. They are wearing only panties. Carl is delightedly eying them and answers their question what he is doing there: "Your dad told me that I can have a sex with both of you." The scared girls just look at each other and say: "That's not possible, our daddy wouldn't ever say such a thing!" "So you don't believe me?", he asks and opens the door: "George, both of them?" They can hear him from downstairs saying: "Yes, yes, Carl, both of them!"

This is ftw creativity :L
Sign-A-True

Offline [MAF]falky

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #98 on: May 04, 2010, 03:13:44 am »
xD

Offline [2F2F]SNiKeRiS

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #99 on: May 04, 2010, 09:27:25 am »
Both of them! :L

Offline [MAF]Snoopy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #100 on: May 05, 2010, 05:14:27 pm »
lol

Offline ivanduk

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #101 on: May 11, 2010, 06:55:42 pm »
How does Lady GaGa like her steak? Raw, raw, aw, aw, aw



[SFX]Dr.Hulka [4]: talking about gay give it to id 17
piggernenis [17]: haha
piggernenis [17]: hulka put me on ignore because he thinks im gay
[SFX]Dr.Hulka [4]: id 17 have aids

Offline [MAF]falky

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #102 on: May 26, 2010, 12:19:37 pm »
falky's damn baby 'jokes' always make me retch.

What do you get when you break a baby's jaw?





Deep-throat.

Offline Scorpion.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #103 on: May 26, 2010, 01:39:22 pm »
joke does not mean ruining other people's races,  admins NOT  Have RESPECT for other ppl to race, in race IronmanNascar , There Was 3 admin on trams [Gen, mooman, Madmax], and one of them ramm me  [Gen]. You have no respect!

Bye

Offline Gen

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #104 on: May 26, 2010, 01:44:03 pm »
C'mon dude, it was just a joke. No need to get ramped up about it. The others took it as a joke, so why shouldn't you? :)