Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 48680 times)

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Offline [FSR]Ush

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #45 on: May 08, 2009, 06:26:49 am »
:L

Offline [MAF]falky

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #46 on: May 08, 2009, 06:32:17 am »
rofl

Offline [MAF]Cthulhu

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #47 on: May 08, 2009, 08:41:52 am »
 ;D ;D

Offline [MAF]Aj_Lajk_Bir

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #48 on: May 08, 2009, 09:14:01 am »
lol  :D

Offline [MAF]falky

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #49 on: May 08, 2009, 11:25:41 am »
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

Yo mama so fat were in her right now

Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Offline [FSR]Ush

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #50 on: May 08, 2009, 11:45:48 am »
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
:L

Offline [MAF]falky

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #51 on: May 09, 2009, 01:02:28 am »

Offline [MAF]Cthulhu

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #52 on: May 09, 2009, 08:27:54 am »
:L

Offline [MAF]Aj_Lajk_Bir

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #53 on: May 09, 2009, 09:04:26 am »
hahaha  ;D
more if you have  :D

Offline [MAF]falky

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #54 on: June 15, 2009, 08:10:30 am »
While playing GTA IV:

"I like to stalk people.

Follow them everywhere they go. They get in a cab or car, I'll follow behind them slowly at a pace equal to theirs, always 2 cars length behind them. They get a hot dog, I get a hot dog, etc.

While doing this one day I came across a couple. A dark haired man with medium length hair, and this girl who had gorgeous long blond hair.

I followed this couple for miles, from Alderney City to the bright neon lights of Star Junction, they were seemingly happy, joyful, in love with one another. The man cared for his girlfriend, and the girlfriend cared for her boyfriend.

They ate happily together, always eating hot dogs, taking in the city. Always staring into each others eyes with deep glee and happiness. I had never seen so much love between two people. I cared for these two as much as they cared for each other. I would do as much as I could to make sure nothing would ever happen to them. Going ahead of them a bit and beating up hobos, walking in traffic ahead of them to make sure if a car were to come I would take it for them, and any other nuisance there could be.

Then it happened. After watching them stare at a giant ad in the Star Junction I realized something. I am alone. No one. Michelle was long gone for something I do not wish to bring up. Kiki dumped me when she found out I had been having intercourse with hookers then bashing their heads in with a baseball bat to gain my money back. Carmen never called me again after our first date, mostly due to me pushing her down a set of subway stairs, then stomping her head into the steps. I never tried any other woman due to me thinking it was pointless at this point. I began to feel sad.

I thought to myself, "Why can that man not be me?" "Is he any better than me?" "Why wouldn't she think of dating me? Get some coffee, even at least TALK TO ME?" I wanted her. I wanted this mysterious blond with the looks of an angel, and the laugh of a child. I wanted to be that man, I wanted to have what he had, to know that joy of having somebody care for your own well being. I was jealous of the man. I wanted that I could not have, that I desired for so much. The longer I watched them, the longer I wanted to become him, at any cost. I then felt remorse. Saddened of what I had become, a lonesome man stalking random pedestrians. But when the thought of this man touching her, kissing her, loving her... the thought of remorse was thrown to the back of my head as if I had never thought it.

I set forth a plan. I would kill him. Take up my new identity as him. And me and the blond would live happily together forever.

John and Sara(This is the name I have given them) hail for a taxi and enter one. This was my chance. My moment of truth was here, I could set forth and become what I craved and desired to be. I got in front of the taxi that the couple was in. I pulled the driver out of the cab and killed him in cold blood. The man stepped out, he was ready to kill me. He lusted for blood, the blood of me. I know what I had to do. I empty my shotgun in his face, the man formerly known as John is dead. He is no more, this chapter of his life has ended and mine starts. I am now who I always wanted too be. I steal the taxi and drive away with his wife/girlfriend in the back.

I had never been so happy in my life! Then...

Screaming.

She screams.

She wants out.

She doesn't want me.

She fears me, hates me, loathes me. She feels everything towards me, but still does not love me.

How could this happen? Why does she not love me? Is there something wrong with me? What could I have done?

I'm thrown into a maelstrom of feelings, mostly guilt, and hatred towards my self. But most of all sadness. She doesn't want me, those words kept ringing in my head.

I knew what I had to do. I drive her whilst her screaming like a banshee. I reach my destination. The cliff next to Mikhail Faustin's house. If you've ever seen this part of the game there are rocks and old cars that seems from the '50s, and '60s at the bottom.

I rev my engine. She screams even louder. I drive faster, faster, and faster. Her death curling scream gets louder, louder, and louder.

We fly off the edge.

Everything is then silent for a mere second. This second feels like an eternity. I know what I am doing, I feel no regret. I am also for the first time in a long time; happy.

We both plummet to the bottom and die instantaneously. They will never know who killed John, or the cab driver Shafeeq. They will never find the body of Sara or Niko Bellic. The ocean mixed with gasoline fueled fire will ruin any traces of our pasts or future.

I then revive at a hospital and steal a Blista Compact and go bowling with Roman."


Taken from: http://www.thegtaplace.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=18686

Offline Sharp

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #55 on: June 15, 2009, 01:39:52 pm »
Hi i can hack your ports,then attack your pc and make your fan go backwards

Offline [MAF]falky

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #56 on: June 15, 2009, 02:38:51 pm »
Hi i can hack your ports,then attack your pc and make your fan go backwards

rite ;_;

and I can make your mum go backwards so she can gimme a nice blow :D

Offline [2F2F]SNiKeRiS

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #57 on: June 15, 2009, 05:29:39 pm »
Go backwards, haha :L

Offline ﱡ קּﻰﺢ Love

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #58 on: June 15, 2009, 08:06:49 pm »
Nice pessimist story man liked it. ^^
Sign-A-True

Offline [MAF]Rac3r

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #59 on: June 26, 2009, 04:20:29 pm »
What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and Michael Jackson?
Alex Ferguson will be playing giggs next season!